Category: Dating and Relationships
How much is one partner supposed to put up with, and when should it end?
When do the lies, misstrust, and critisisms become more then one can handle?
I believe that is specific to each individual.
personally, when I am in a relationship, I attempt to refrain from lying most of the time. I mean, on occasion it's sometimes necessary, but those times are few and far between.
as for mistrust and all the others, I don't think you can consider yourself in a good relationship if you don't even have the ability to trust your partner.
If I feel or find that my partner is telling a bunch of lies, she's gone. It takes 3 or more lies and if they are constant that's when I draw the line.
Troy
Like Yankee said, I don't think there's a number that you can assign to it, but trust is an integral part of a relationship. If you don't have that, It's pretty hard, IMHO, to have a relationship
I agree with the others here. It can be hard to put an end to anything, especially when you really care for someone, and things tend to sound easier than they actually are. Lying tends to be about something more deep-seated, like insecurity. If things cannot be resolved by talking with them, I don't think anyone should have to sit there and just take being criticized or lied to, and as the others said, trust is truly the foundation for a relationship. If you cannot trust your partner, then the foundation is very, very shaky.
By the time you feel the need to complain about it on a public message boards you're probably way past the point where you should have broken it off.
I agree with Meka and Wildebrew. Lieing is one of those things that greatly damages trust, which is difficult to build up and easy to destroy. Lieing really doesn't serve a purpose in the long run. Better to just talk about whatever it is, or at least say that you can't talk about whatever now and either can't talk about it at all or would be willing to discuss it later.
for the most part, i don't like liars, but i also agree with yankee in that it's necessary sometimes. as far as trust, it's a huge part of the relationship i'm in, and i can't say i'm in a good relationship unless i trust my bf completely, and he does the same for me.
Trust, I think is one of the most important things in a relationship I want someone reliable, and who considers me reliable. Its what makes a relationship strong.
I just read two posts that advocate that it's alright to lie sometimes in a relationship. I'm curious as to what the circumstances have to be in order for a lie to be okay or necessary?
People have different reasons for lying in a relationship. This can include feeling insecure and somehow inept. Although these things cause people to lie, I'm not in any way condoning such behavior. I also agree with many of the previous posters in that this is an issue you should be discussing with your partner rather then trying to seek sympathy from a public discussion board. If the integrity of a partner is in any way in question, I would think it only fair that questions should be directed to the partner to give him or her fair chance to defend his or her stance.
Garret I thought your answer would be stick around until the sex stops, or at least sucks?
Meka <grin> well, questions such as "is she prettier than me" should always be answered yes, even if it's a lie (a white lie I suppose). There may be little things in a relationships like that which might justify lying at some point I guess.
It's not so much lying as putting things nicely I think. It just makes commonsense not wanting to hurt your partner unnecessarily or create unnecessary insecurities. Even if you saw someone who you consider prettier than her/him it doesn't mean you want to get with them at all but saying "oh he/she is prettier yes but I dono't care" just doesn't sound right, just saying "no, you're the prettiest" may look like a lie but basically is a nicer way of putting the same thing.
Little things like that might justify lying, but it's something one needs to be very careful of and use minimally.
If the truth is important or has any influence on your relationship or is a major issue then truth has to prevail even if it isn't the easy option.
That's at least the only think I can think of that would justify any kind of lying.
I used to want my guy to tell me the truth all the time. Then...sometimes when I got the truth, like in Wildebrew's post, it hurt. I have then decided that I only want the whole truth when it's important, like cheating and such. I don't like liars, but yeah sometimes it is necessary. ButI have to trust my boyfriend, if I don't trust him, then no I can't be in love with him.
good point tricia
jared...normally it would...but for some reason, my soft side came out...shoot me
wasn't trying to gain sympathy, just posed the question
that's exactly what i'm talking about wb.
Straight away because that is psychological abuse and it may not stop there.
*shoots Garrett. there, happy?
A relationship is very much indeed all about the trust of one another. If you can't trust your partner, then why the hell are you with him or her to begin with if your so insecure about yourself? I know alot of us on here have been through painful relationships and lost the urge to trust again, but we all must move on because every person is different along with their personalities. That's why I'll always give my future partners a chance to be trusted until I've been proven otherwise, however you can only take one day at time and find out what yoru future holds for you whether it is good or bad. Whether a relationship turns good or bad there's always a lesson to be learned from it all.
I felt the need to post here don't know why. I have been in a relationship that was did not have much trust at all. From experence I can say its not wurth the pain and heartake that get created. It can push a person to not turst any way at all. Sometimes that person becomes an ass toward any "Male or Female." This happens because of there passed relationship where they were hurt. However, I belive a person who has been through such a relationship should work on giving another person a chance knowing its gona bee hard.
I'd have to agree, I felt, that I tried all I could, and none of it seemed to get through to him.
I guess the saying goes, you've don't know what you've got until it's gone.....
Well,, it is probably better if you try and just stay as calm as you can. Show him that you are strong and try not to show any weakness in front of him, because that way he would start thinking about what he does and maybe reevaluate and decide on what it is that he needs and wants. This is especially true for guys and girls whose habits are to lie and cheat their partners that this can work out on.
I'd have to agree, but the relationship is very much over, I feel nothing but sadness, and emptiness when I think of him.
I feel nothing but numb.
What once was there is no longer.
If they don't have a rational or rather a very strong rational for there lie I won't stand through the first one. I think criticisms are fine, but mistrust, I don't want mistrust.